Hot nerd-on-nerd action since 2008

I’m not editing this.

I saw this movie in 7th grade, on VHS, in the basement of my friend’s house. I vaguely remember having no idea what the fuck was going on. This movie, to me, should have NEVER been made, but the earth is better for it. I vaguely remember some not-that-great tits, and that is coming from a 7th grader.

So, I haven’t seen this movie since then. We are talking…12 years. And now it is on TNT. I missed the first half hour?-ish and I”m considerably drunk.

Satanica took stage and is pour tequila down her leg to Quentin Tarintino’s mouth, and it makes you just know for sure that he had a boner while filming that. I think this is Selma Hyack and I’m not going to look that up for proper speling. But damn this scene has been on for like 10 minutes, and is therefoore the longest single scene of the film. I actuall ylike the bad of this bar. Some solid music. Also Cheech is in it and looks bigger than he deserves  to be. His big scene about Pussy was changed to Titty. Which, I guess is better to say on television.

I cna remember thinking as a child…AS A CHILD…the George Clooney has no real reason to be in this film. But slap a neck tattoo on him, and he’s bad ass. I think this lead to him in the Peacemaker. I saw that in a hotel room a couple of years later.

First vampire just showed up and bit Quentin….not a good lookig vampire. Gotta respect that route. Probably won’t see that in cinema for awhile, to tell the trtuh. Twilight leads to bullshit, etc.

This has turned into a clusterfuck of TNT editiing out stripper boobs (which didn’t even give me a boner THEN), graphic violence, and people shouting fuck. As I recall…I missed some important plot about how the preacher and his family got caught up into this. Also – I would thing a few hard ass bikers wouldn’t be such an equal match for vampires. Also, my favorite character is the black dude who rip out the fat guy’s heart. “Sex Machine. Pleased to meet you.” I lolled.

So far, since this film has …..almost zero plot, and TNT is editing the SHIT out of it, I have very little to watch. Just bikers slamming pool cues into the floor, and TNT cutting away from any good gore. Also, why does the Preacher have an Asian son?

Black dude is telling a harrowing story of war. Tom Savini is turning into a vamprire. Kinda funny. This movie has a good sense of humor about it, which I appreciate.

This movie has a huge Super Soaker funding. This was back when the Super Soaker was just superior fire power, and not just balls-out-insane-cheating-at-water-fights. Perhaps, that is what this film is a metaphor of. Which is, of course, a more signifigant metaphor for the military industrial complex that is the United States of America. Oh wait, Sex Machine turned into a giant rat-dog-werewolf.

BRB. Have to pee.

We are down to two surviving human. I honestly remember the end vampire fight being signifigantly longer. And everyone just being covered in blood. And I’m not just talking about George Clooney’s tribal neck tattoo.

Wow, it is the end of the film already. Honestly, the very las tshot is the coolest thing in the movie for me, even when i was 13! THE STRIP CLUB IS ACTUALLY SOME CRAZY ANCIENT TEMPLE OF EVIL???

Okay – so, review? Fucking don’t watch it on basic cable, because it is stupid! Also, it is probably stupid on dvd, to. But, luckily enough “Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang” is up next, and that movie is VERY GOOD.